Yesterday, I volunteered in my son’s Kindergarten class to do some reading with the kids. There was one boy in particular who was quite shy with me to begin with, but as he started to read it was evident at just how good he was at reading. During the book as I continued to praise him his confidence got better and better.
I am a big believer in positive feedback to build confidence in children and at the end of the book I gave him a really big compliment. I told him how well he had just done and I was going to tell his kindy teacher just how well he did.
The smile on his face was beaming. He made sure I told his teacher just how well he did and you could tell he was very proud to hear this.
It got me thinking how much we could learn from this.
I imagine that a lot of kids, teens and adults would all respond well to positive feedback. I know for me being a Mum, wife and business owner I am always doubting that I am doing the right thing. ‘Am I spending enough time with my kids, am I being strict enough, am I being to soft with discipline. Or if I do take time off from work thinking that perhaps I should be working instead.’
Very rarely do we tell each other that we are doing a great job.
But what if things changed? What if we all started to recognise other’s efforts?
As a Mum of a child who has ADHD and ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) we are really big in our household on focussing on positive behaviour and rewarding behaviour that we want to see.
The amount of difference we have seen since we have been doing this is astounding. My son is a different child because we choose to reward the positive changes in his behaviour. Of course there is still discipline for things that need to be punished but the majority of our behaviour systems are focussed on the positives.
I believe that we don’t have to use limit this type of system to others. Of course, I am not saying we need to start having behaviour charts for adults.. absolutely not. But what if we decided to use this idea behind recognising nice things people do.
How much would doing this type of thing improve your overall relationships with your kids, your husband, your work colleagues?
By recognising and thanking people for their efforts you are acknowledging them and making them feel appreciated. You never know how much your compliment could make someone’s day or change their view of themselves in a positive way.
Best of all this takes hardly any effort except for being aware of others contributions.