I often find myself asking this question. Probably too often really. It’s not that I think I’m a bad mum, it is just some days I don’t want to be a mum. Some days I just want to be me. And I know I’m not alone.
Many Mums, often new Mums, feel like they have lost their identity since becoming a Mum. The transition from a high flying career or even just the realisation that there is this little person needing your undivided attention 24/7 can be hugely overwhelming.
I always thought that when I gave birth I would automatically become the perfect mum. One of those mums who I’d always admired from afar. The ones that do absolutely everything for their kids; play games, do art and craft, have endless energy for the park and constantly dote on their child’s every move. Perhaps I was a little naive, but I really thought motherhood and my children would be my whole world.
Now, I don’t really have to say how much I love my children. I would travel to the ends of the earth and beyond to make sure they were happy, safe and healthy. This is unquestionable and undeniable. So why would I feel lost? Why are there days I just wish I could be me and not a mum?
I guess it is a little scary facing reality, particularly when we are confronted with all the beautiful images of motherhood. However, the reality of being a mum is that it is a tough gig. It is tiring, draining and relentless and even though the highs are beautifully soaring, the lows can be downright ugly.
I have come to learn though, that there are times when I simply need to step away and be the person I was before I had kids. As selfish as it sounds, I need time to be me away from motherhood.
Being a Mum is an extension of who I am, it doesn’t define me. I still want to be sexy for my husband, I still want to be queen of the netball court, I still want to be that crazy concert goer in the mosh pit, and I still want to lose myself in my reading and writing. And what I have come to realise is by allowing myself to just be myself, actually makes me a better mum.
It allows me to be the best mother I can be and show my children it is okay to be yourself and love who you are. To show them that sometimes everyone needs time alone, or time to do the things we love, that fill us with joy. It doesn’t mean I don’t love my children, or I don’t want to be a mother. It just means I still want to be me. And there is nothing wrong with that.